The integral assessment process is a useful tool to help see what areas of your life need work. Yesterday it was 70 degrees here in Richmond, VA. It's not usually this warm this time of year. Anyway, I sat in the sun and really thought about my life. My life has been really hectic lately. I feel like I am learning how to really reflect on my life. I have learned a lot and I feel like I am on the right path but before I can really move forward, I need to work on areas of my recent past that are causing me emotional and physical stress.
         I want to move forward but I think I need to try to tie some loose ends and find some closure. I need to recognize the negative emotions that are weighing me down. When my relationship with my boyfriend ended, I was really lost. We were together for seven years and he was my best friend. He changed over time. He became an alcoholic. I stayed with him because I thought if you really love someone, you stood by them. I have learned that sometimes love is not enough. It was good he finally ended it because I probably would have never left, no matter how miserable I was. He was never physically abusive but he was verbally abusive.
         One of my best friends was always there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. He would listen to my problems and make me feel better when I was really feeling down. After me and my boyfriend broke up, he  acted like he was interested in more than just friendship with me, even though he was currently in a relationship. I was never interested in being "the other woman" and I did not allow myself to be. We ended up not being friends anymore and I do miss that friendship.  
        Then I met someone great, my boyfriend, Cirrell. Everything was going really great until the home invasion. I never thought anything like that would happen to me. That experience was very scary. I learned how precious life is. Material things don't matter and can always be replaced. One of my friends acted like it was my  fault for moving into area that was not the safest place to be living. My closest friends abandoned me when I needed them the most. I want to try to mend those friendships. Maybe I should just make new friends but it's hard to let go of people that I have so much history with.
       This post is getting kind of long...so I should probably wrap it up. In conclusion, I have realized that I need to find closure and put my negative feelings to rest. I have my faith to get me through this difficult time. I am going to start each day reading a positive bible verse. I am going to write letters to the people that I have lost. We might not mend our friendships, but at least I will be able vent my emotions. I am also going to journal my thoughts and feelings. I know that God will always be with me and He will provide me with people in my life that I can turn to. It's important to have a dependable support system.

~Amy Summey